


Difficult

by AriaNeige



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Gracia is a Good Friend, Hurt/Comfort, Maes has already died
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 10:17:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20599118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AriaNeige/pseuds/AriaNeige
Summary: "From the moment she knew that Maes had died, Gracia had known that life would be difficult, especially with raising Elicia. What Gracia hadn’t expected were other difficulties attached to Maes after he had passed.Specifically with Roy Mustang."





	Difficult

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to my amazing betas anyamorozova and juryrouge, for encouraging me to write and post this and for their fantastic editing skills.

Being a single parent was…  _ difficult _ .

The word hardly encompassed the mix of emotions that Gracia went through following her husband’s death. Sadness– when she crawled into her bed each night. Maes often worked late nights, but he would always gently kiss her head when he finally came home, more often than not waking her despite his best efforts not to. Pride– when Elicia brought home a paper she had received an A+ for. Gracia only cried after Elicia had gone to bed, knowing how Maes would have hemmed and hawed and bragged to his coworkers about how brilliant his baby girl was. Exhaustion because even with Maes’ military benefits, she had to pick up two jobs to care for Elicia. Gracia had enrolled Elicia in school and many of Gracia’s friends were more than willing to help watch over Elicia so that Gracia wouldn’t have to pay for a nanny that she couldn’t afford _ . _ She could barely count the many feelings coursing through her on an hourly basis, much less find a word to describe how she’d been in the weeks following Maes’ funeral. Too many adjectives that Gracia didn’t have time to dissect ( _ with the bittersweet reminder that Maes would’ve known the perfect word to capture all of her feelings _ ). 

_ Difficult _ was too simple of a word, but it was true.

From the moment she knew that Maes had died, Gracia had known that life would be difficult, especially with raising Elicia. What Gracia hadn’t expected were other difficulties attached to Maes after he had passed.

Specifically with Roy Mustang.

Mustang was an impressive man, Gracia knew. He was clearly haunted by his past despite the façade he put on– the war had impacted him much more than it had Maes. Maes had latched onto Gracia, bettered himself for his family and friends, pushing through the scars that Ishval had created. 

Mustang had latched onto his guilt.

Gracia could see that he was trying to become Fuhrer, for reasons she agreed with. While she was no match for Maes’ sharp observational skills, she had been his wife, and by extension one of Roy’s friends, for too many years not to have picked up on his ambitions. He bettered himself for the sake of trying to achieve his goal, and to atone for his own sins ordered by his country. While it was admirable, it was by no means healthy, and Gracia could tell he was burning himself out ( _ oh, the irony _ ). Maes had been the voice of reason in regards to making sure that Roy didn’t overwork himself, forcing Roy away from his desk and over to dinner whenever he could.

Now, without Maes… Roy was steadily descending to think only of his work, especially with Maes’ murderer still on the loose (Gracia could tell it had not been Maria Ross, and despite the corpse, she had her own suspicions as to what happened– the death was too quick for what she knew Roy wanted).

Gracia tossed in her bed, wanting nothing more than the steadily growing pain behind her temples to end  _ (and a kiss on the forehead)  _ when her phone rang. Her feet clumsily pounded against the floor, devoid of their usual grace in the late hour. Finally reaching the phone, she mumbled a sleepy “Hello,” without even processing what she was doing. Exhaustion muddled her mind. When Roy’s voice filtered through the line, she wasn’t even shocked, having picked up the phone hundreds of times from when Roy would call Maes at all hours of the night.

“Hey Gracia, I was just thinking and I had this idea– can you get Maes–?” His deep voice cut off quickly. 

Clearly the late hour had a similar effect on him.

“Hey Roy. Haven’t heard from you in a while.” Gracia mumbled, making sure to enunciate enough that he would be able to understand her despite her fatigue.

“I– I should go. I’m sorry for disturbing you.” Roy quickly stammered out, his tone panicky. There was a slight slur to his words that jolted some of the fatigue out of Gracia’s bones. Every time that Roy had called while speaking like this, Maes would hurry out the door no matter the hour or what was needed in the morning. When the sun would finally float into the sky the next morning, her husband would return with a weary gait in his stride, yet his eyes would always gleam with exhausted relief.

“No, no, Roy. I haven’t spoken to you in a while. How are you?” The words tumbled from her lips, trying to escape before her husband’s best friend hung up the phone.

Silence, yet Gracia did not hear the click of the phone being hung up, so she continued.

“Elicia has started school and I am working now. I’m sorry I haven’t invited you over for dinner recently, I’ve been a little too busy to prepare a whole home cooked meal. Thankfully Elicia isn’t too picky, so I haven’t heard any complaints about the lack of freshly prepared food. Our neighbors’ son has started cooking, he’s been using Elicia as a taste tester whenever I work too late and that has seemed to appease her.” Gracia quickly filled the quiet, injecting her voice with a warm tone in an effort to ease the tension.

Silence.

Gracia was almost convinced that Roy had fallen asleep on the phone when she heard a whispered, “I’m sorry.” 

Gracia swallowed thickly; the amount of raw emotion in Roy’s voice choked her. 

Then, as if those words opened a gate holding back a flood, a breathy sob could be heard on the other side of the phone. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m  _ so so so sorry Gracia! _ ” The words were gasped out like a prayer, pleading for forgiveness. 

Words were clogged in Gracia’s throat, the fog of fatigue slowly slipping away. 

The words momentarily stalled with a  _ hiccup _ , quickly followed by the wet sound of heaving. A grimace made its way onto Gracia’s face before she could stop it. 

“Roy– Roy, are you drunk?” Gracia managed to choke out, finally able to somewhat breathe around the thick clump of unsettling emotion that seemed to reside in her throat. Only the sound of more retching came through the receiver. Gracia’s stomach turned, though whether it was from her own emotions, her uncertainty of what to do, or her own stomach reacting to the sound, she wasn’t sure. 

“Roy, are you at home right now?” She demanded, hoping maybe the tone would make him answer.

“N-No,” Came the gasped response. The sound of another heave came through the receiver, “I’m at the payphone by the bar Maes and I used to–” 

While the additional information was unprompted, Gracia blinked tears from her eyes at hearing Maes’ name, though the sound of Roy’s sobs forced her to focus on the present instead of the past.

“Why don’t we go on a walk? I planned to go on one anyway and that is right on my route! Can you wait a few minutes?” Gracia managed to force out, already toeing on a pair of shoes and grabbing a jacket to fend off the early autumn chill. She wanted to order him to stay and then drag him to her home without deception, but she had known Roy far too long to believe that this would be easy. He rarely accepted help, it was even less likely that he would be willing to let  _ her _ help him.

With what sounded like a mumbled agreement from Roy, Gracia hung up the phone and began jogging towards the bar they used to frequent, only two blocks from her home. A classy bar, enough that it wouldn’t be shameful for two military men to be spotted in, yet a secure location that wasn’t associated with the military and plans could be discussed there without fear of their words somehow getting back to the Fuhrer. Maes and Roy would go one night a week. Sometimes her husband would return with a refreshing smile or smirk, yet other times tears would stream down his cheeks and he would hold her tight long after she had fallen asleep.

Going to that bar was a tradition, though not always a happy one.

Gracia slowed once the payphone came into view, Roy’s figure visible as he leaned against the wall of the booth. For a moment, she saw Maes, limply leaning against a wall, the blood soaked photo of their family just out of his reach. She took a deep breath  _ (different phone booth, this is a different phone booth and this is not Maes) _ and carefully made sure her exhaustion wasn’t completely obvious. She couldn’t hide it entirely, but she could try.

“Roy!” Gracia called out. His figure whipped to stare in her direction in the booth. He opened the door, stumbling out, releasing the acidic smell of vomit that Gracia forced herself to ignore.

“I’m sorry–” Roy began, but Gracia was quick to cut him off.

“Oh Roy, it’s been too long! Up, up!” Gracia cheerfully stated, feeling pain in her chest as she pulled himup by his arm. She could easily imagine Maes doing this for him. Gracia started to pleasantly chatter about anything and everything– about how she had been thinking of a new recipe for her apple pies (he would  _ have _ to try it, the added cinnamon caused the pie to evolve from ‘very good’ to ‘fantastic’), about how she was planning to apply for a job at a bakery in hopes she could quit both her jobs as the pay was much better, and while she would be working the same number of hours as her other job combined at least she wouldn’t be running from one edge of Central to the other– any topic that flitted to her head. Roy dazedly nodded along, not having a moment to add any input or understand that Gracia had already dragged him halfway to her home.

Gracia didn’t even look at the drunken man in her arms until she had hurried him through her door, locking it behind her. Roy’s glazed eyes stared at her in confusion and realization, though when he tried to leave Gracia gently pushed him to sit in a chair, carefully taking his boots off and putting his infamous coat with some of her dirty laundry. The acidic smell of vomit still clung to the man, so Gracia slowly guided him to their bathroom and turned on the shower water, shutting the man inside once she had done that.

Thankfully, though he hadn’t in several weeks, Roy had stayed over at her house enough that there was a drawer with a complete set of his clothes  _ (due to Maes getting tired of Roy either wearing dirty clothes or borrowing his own) _ . Once Gracia heard the shower running, she quietly laid the clothes inside the door and treaded to her kitchen. 

She warmed some milk and poured them into two mugs, stirring in some cocoa powder before topping it with marshmallows and chocolate sauce. With perfect timing she heard Roy stumble out of the bathroom. She offered him a mug before going to the bathroom, picking up his clothes, and returning to the kitchen once she had placed it with the dirty laundry, resolving to clean it in the morning. She grabbed a blanket and pillow, not surprised to see that Roy had drifted to the couch, his mug cupped in his hands.

Gracia shifted the blanket around Roy’s shoulders, easily cocooning him. He stared blankly ahead, his body still except for the slight rise and fall of his chest. Gracia momentarily left to grab her own hot chocolate before sitting next to Roy. 

Comfortable silence filled the room as Gracia finished her drink and placed the mug on her coffee table. Then with a sigh, she pressed her side against Roy, pretending not to notice the flinch her actions caused.

“I miss him,” She intoned. Hesitantly, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. 

“Me too.” He whispered. They allowed each other to relax, sharing in the pain that was still fresh and raw despite the weeks that had passed. The pain that would remain for a long time to come. 

Finally a choked hiccup startled Gracia into finally looking at Roy’s face. Tears flowed down his cheeks, his eyes were sunken in, the bags beneath them pronounced. His cheek bones seemed sharper, as though he hadn’t been eating enough. Dark eyes bloodshot and haunted.

Gently, Gracia carded a hand through his wet hair. Her touch seemed to break the dam Roy had built and sobs quietly erupted from his throat, aware that Elicia was asleep not too far away. Gracia wrapped her arms around the man, somehow managing to contort his larger physique so that his face was pressed against her shoulder. Hugging him while he cried reminded her of the many times she had held Maes like this after his nightmares. With her eyes closed, she could almost imagine that  _ this _ was Maes and that he hadn’t died. But a hiccup just slightly deeper than Maes’ came from the man in her arms, reminding her of who she held.

“Life has been difficult, Roy, without Maes. But whenever I think of what he wanted, I push on. I work hard to keep Elicia happy, to be the most caring neighbor, to help out strangers when I can. And sometimes that’s not enough and I break down once Elicia has been put to bed. But then I think about everything I can see Maes in and how happy he would be- whenever I see Elicia succeed in school, or I hear gossip from the neighbors, or I see a father twirling his children in the street.” Gracia began softly, eyeing the still figure in her arms for any reaction.

“I see Maes every time I see a camera or hear children laughing. I can see Maes in all of it and while it hurts, his legacy of happiness and love can go on even without him here.” At the mention of a camera, Roy flinched. Gracia could only imagine what memory ran through his mind, most likely a painful, bittersweet reminder of what was gone. Gracia hurried on, hoping to stem the tears still leaking onto her.

“But most of all, besides Elicia, I see Maes the most in you. You were his best friend and he cared for you so much, for you to live on and be happy, I think, would bring not only Maes peace, but would make me so happy to know that those Maes’ held close are okay. You really need to come around more often, Elicia has missed you.” Gracia took a deep breath and finally glanced at the man in her arms, feeling that his breathing had slowed. She shifted him so that he was lying on the couch, his head against the pillow she had brought down earlier.

Quietly walking to her room, a whispered “Thank you,” barely reached her ears, but it brought a smile to her lips all the same.

As she lay in bed, content with the knowledge that her husband’s best friend was safe and asleep on her couch, Gracia could almost feel the gentle brush of Maes lips against her forehead.

Yes, life may be difficult, but she was ready to live on. Now it was time for Roy to do the same.

For Maes.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> First post here ever :) trying to actually contribute to my fav fandoms now instead of just fangirling anonymously. Hope you enjoyed!


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